It has come to my attention that some people are breaking out in hives over the Conservative Hippy. Not so much the things we say we or things we stand for, but that we are using the word “hippie” for our own purposes. Basically it’s a case of putting personality before principles, once again.
I’ve been told that you can’t be a hippy if you don’t reek of patchouly. I knew a kid in college that you could smell in the dormitory hallway. Now, dormitories are cinderblock buildings with deliberately fire safe stores. Behind each hallway door was a small study area and communal bathroom. There was another door to get into the bedroom. His personal acquired eu de toilette traveled through that like Kryptonian radiation. Maybe it’s seeped, but typically it was more like Antoine Rockamora a.k.a. Tony Rocky Horror crashing through the greenhouse after being thrown out of the window by Marsellus Wallace for touching his wife’s feet. Patchouly is so obnoxious that it really makes people think that you’re trying to be happy more than you really are. It’s like Pepe le Pew leaving a trail behind him which curdles milk, turns hair gray, and makes feathers fall out of birds. You know when you first smell pot at a concert and you look around see where it’s coming from and you just know what’s going on- and that you’d like to make a new friend. You know damn well when you smell patchouly you look around only want to figure out how to throw that person out of your personal olfactory locus of control. I mean, haven’t we all seen High Fidelity yet?
I was all still told that Conservative Hippyism is a straight up oxymoron. I was told by one person who has no generational qualification nor conservative qualification. But he is a good friend. I was also told by somebody has a huge generational qualification and was part of the avant-garde of New York/New Jersey style northeast hippie-ism. I give it that label because there was definitely a difference between what was going on in New York/New Jersey/Boston/Providence and what was happening in Haight-Ashbury, San Diego and Seattle. The point is, he told me that Hippyism was an all out rebellion against the status quo. Anything that the “establishment” had in mind they would rebel against by all means necessary- to be as counterculture as possible. He insinuated that one of the biggest definitions therein was a complete turn on conservative viewpoints. I agreed, that would have been counterculture to the time and I never hold it against him -the movement he was a part of. Unbeknownst to him he made my point exactly. I thanked him for the advice and vowed to stay counterculture-stay against whatever the current establishment tells me is right and to make sure that by all means necessary I rebel against the current trend. Conservative Hippyism is not an oxymoron. In fact we’re the only Hippies and left. The old guard is now the biggest supporter of “the establishment. “Those of us who never wavered, never sold out, never bought in to the establishments government run ideas of how people should live their life, in general and even down to how we should recycle our garbage and, specifically to the most intimate details of how we should choose to have a child, what to use as contraception, and with the audacity, the audacity to make believe that they have a right to make others pay for it. And then they use women’s health and concerns as a beard to disguise it as compassion.
Conservative Hippyism is not oxymoronic, it is one of the few outlets of actual rebellion- jump on board the love train. If you’re wearing patchouly you’ll be thrown under the wheels.