Veep Biden on Central American Drug Fact Finding Mission: Results Varied
By Con Hippy TEGUCIGALPA, HONDURAS—Vice President, Joe Biden, is on a fact-finding tour of Mexico and Honduras to investigate the use, sale , and distribution of illicit narcotics. So far, no direct contact has been made and the congressional committee funding the mission reports the trips budget has been blown. The Veep’s whereabouts are known, it seems he simply won’t come to the phone, and has only been photographed eating.
The suspicious trip was launched after a rumored email of a 4/20 party in the Senate Chambers began circulation. Biden announced he needed to, “…examine our drug policy and see if there is any new schwag, or reasons to change it regarding the icky sticky jungle, that is,Mexico and Central America.” The fact finding mission includes stops in Cozumel,Tijuana, and Acapulco,Mexico. The last stop will include a brunch with Pres. Calderon, where the two are slated to discuss weaknesses in the border fence-line and possible smuggling routes from Mexico to Rhode Island.
Other trips stops include La Cieba, and Roatan,Honduras, with one curious stay over on an old pineapple plantation with its own landing strip in the tiny town of Omoa.
“This last one may be the most crucial. The party wants to know where it can land a plane safely, in case of an emergency. So we are going to stay the night,” Biden’s Honduran attaché, Ruby Rapalo, told Conservative Hippyism
Just what facts the traveling party are finding is still anyone’s guess. Much of the days have had little activity to observe by the press. Sleeping in, small breakfasts and lounging at pools and beaches have been the only pictures released. Most of the nights, however, have been very active.
According to Vice Presidential Press Corp CH representative, Sandra Dee McConnor, “The beach houses have been well lit, very active and crowded with interns and what are being called, ‘local narcotic specialists.’ We can’t get in at night due to large men with guns. We are told that the sensitive nature of the fact finding mission is for ‘serous dudes’ only. I tried to use my Freedom of the Press card, to no avail. I was told, ‘wrong country, go fuck yourself.’”