A funny little article I presented to The Washington Fancy.
Obama Laments Reelection: “Look at the Mess I’ll Be Inheriting!”
by The Conservative Hippy WASHINGTON DC– The president’s reelection campaign took a new twist today. During a speech in which he reinforced his theme of asking the rich to pay more so than middle-class can pay less, from which he received a light obligatory applause, he reached in his back pocket a retrieved a folded piece of paper. In his famous natural delivery, the president returned to his old mantra of: look at the mess I’ll be inheriting. To a raucous applause he listed, “…an insurmountable debt, bloated government, and an unacceptable jobless rate…” as his inheritance from the previous four years. The crowd of mostly democrats was joined by a large number of Libertarians and swing voters in a standing ovation. The speech was capped with a promise to close Guantanamo Bay.
According to The Fancy’s White House Correspondent and Rose Garden Lawn Jockey, Miles O’Keefe, the president’s words were spoken with conviction and without the infamous teleprompter. The feelings of empathy from a crowd of mixed voters seemed to be unanimous. They all agreed that the previous presidency was solely to blame for the problems.
Afterward, WHCoS, Jack Lew tweeted : What the president meant was, “Remember when I had to inherit the mess I claimed to have inherited? Feel that way again. Bush Built That.” It just came out sideways.
Representatives of the Romney camp were in Tampa, preparing for the RNC by doing some Cigar research. When asked for a reaction, Campaign Cigar advisor, Sam “Big Sam” Rodriguez, replied, “I think he’s finally on to something. He’s gone a little retro. Shame about the last four years. Can’t wait until we spin this one. Gotta light?”