RNC Protests Rated “Lamest Ever” by Tampa P.D.

02 Sep

RNC Protests Rated “Lamest Ever” by Tampa P.D.

[an unedited, unreleased semi-satire submission to The Washington Fancy -The Leading Misleading Source for Politics}

by Con Hippy

TAMPA, FL– The Tampa Police Dept released a statement over the Labor Day weekend denouncing the protesters and political dissidents at the RNC.   Police mobile armories had been set up around The St. Pete Times Forum and adjacent facilities. Hundreds of officers were granted overtime. Two arrests were made. Captain Seamus Fuji described the demonstrators as, “disappointing, lame, and not worth the price of admission. These were the smallest crowds I have ever seen, except for when the Devil Rays first started playing.” Small corrals had been erected and agitators had been instructed to use those confined spaces in which to make their point. According to Capt. Fuji, they ALL seceded to demands.


The notion of a kinder, gentler public radical has left a bad taste in the overall communities mouth. Jeanette V. Jayjay, the woman behind the infamous Giant Labia costume, went on record with The Fancy’s Women’s Issues editor, Peter Paul Maryson. “I realized too late that Tampa, with it’s history of overt sex trade, bad sports, and horrible mayors is immune to seeing giant pussies screaming for their rights. That, and I probably just blended in with the emo-hipster crowd so prevalent in that part of the city.” The interview is available now in graphic novel form.

The two arrests made over the span of the convention were for public urination, (unreleased college student-unrelated to convention) and solicitation (typical for Kennedy Blvd on a Tuesday). The organizers and anarchists have responded by tweet :” @TBPD allowed us to protest and say bad words. it wasn’t the same #nofair.” Expectations are greater for the DNC in Charlotte, where the climate may be more suitable, literally, for outdoor heckling. Tampa averaged 92 degrees and rainy, Charlotte should be cooler and clearer. If not, the president’s ecology plan should take care of it.

1 Comment

Posted by on September 2, 2012 in Too good to be Fancy


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