Ryan Clarifies Marathon-Gate

07 Oct

The following is a submitted, uneditied un published unnapproved article for The Washington Fancy, Your Leading Misleading Source for Politics

Ryan Clarifies Marathon-Gate: I Was Thinking of My Halo 3 Time

By ConHippy

CHICAGO, IL–Rep Paul Ryan, Veep hopeful, clarified his marathon time gaffe this week. Known as an every-man with a questionable Jam Band Hippy streak (as exposed by this paper), Rep. Ryan remarked that the three-hour-mark was actually his Halo 3 finish time. Sitting on the couch playing a game is sometimes referred to as “marathon play.” It was to this marathon that the candidate was referring.

Much of the candidates credibility was injured. According to Lacey Schwartz, 3-time Chicago marathon top 100 place runner, “Paul Ryan is a good man, but can he be qualified for Vice President if he flubs his marathon time? What could be more important to the days issues than that? That’s it, I want a VP who makes less mistakes…I’ll vote for…..Judge Gray?” Many other spurned runner’s have expressed the same feelings. Runner’s Globe Online offered the following responses to just such a posed question:  If he is willing to lie about this? Then what? Pot inhalation, his religion of origin? Or maybe important stuff such as baseball postseason brackets? What’s next?”

Ryan tweeted: “In #Chicago when @Halo3 came out. Played it until I finished. #threehours. I call it my #ChicagoMarathon. Sorry for the #confusion.”

In a  subsequent Skype interview with Washington Fancy Election 2012 and Fitness correspondent, Jonny Ryal, Ryan elaborated. “I know how hard running can be. Your legs cramp, you overheat, you dehydrate, you get a metallic taste in your mouth, sometimes you have to pee while in motion. Every other person, even the guy next to you is trying to out-maneuver you. By the end, you stink and you almost regret it. Marathons can be like that too.”

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Posted by on October 7, 2012 in Too good to be Fancy


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