Boehner Offers Fiscal Cliff No Compromise Plan B, Misses Irony.
–WASHINGTON DC House speaker Boehner put his foot down-again, and set a firm-ish ultimatum this week, offering the Administration his second uncompromising fiscal cliff agreement. The differences were a few measly million dollars, and a joint book deal. The first agreement had also been uncompromising, however some ‘further agreements’ had to be made. According to Toby Stevens, The Fancy’s new Fiscal Cliff Special Adviser and Headlines Expert, both proposals include strong language, a harsh tone, and an exchange of cigarette cartons between the two smokers, Obama and Boehner.
There is no word as of press time whether the agreement has been signed, but White House staffers have reported hearing the two men squabble on the Oval Office balcony and comparing butt-flick skills and cherry-streak-distance over the weekend. Speaker Boehner has reportedly given the President ‘…to the count of three…’ to agree to the non-compromise, Plan B. Other tactics the Speaker has attempted include telling the President that if he doesn’t sign, Santa won’t come. There is reportedly even an Elf on the Shelf in the Oval Office.
According to Better Parenting Magazine Speaker Boehner only has to lash out and actually strike the President uncontrollably and he will have satisfied the entire list of Worst Mistakes an Adult Makes When Arguing. “He’s already, bribed, lied, lost track of the argument, backed down, played bad cop, modeled rule breaking of his own, and allowed too much response time,” offered Sheldon Brightbelt, BPM Ed. in Chief, “A better option is to create a rule, a logical consequence and follow through.” There has been no response from neither the Speaker, nor the Administrations office’s regarding the comments.
Disclosure: Better Parenting Magazine has subsequently undergone an IRS review, had it’s home office, commandeered under eminent domain law, and its web site was shut down under Patriot Act and RICO law violations.