Chavez Ill on New Year’s Eve, Cancels 2013 “Until Further Notice.”
The following is an unedited unapproved submission to The Washington Fancy: Your Leading Misleading Source for Politics
CARACAS, VZ– Venezuelan two-term president, Hugo Chavez has fallen ill to complications of alleged cancer. His illness on the eve of the new year has prompted his administration, at his behest, to cancel 2013, “…until further notice, or until Senor Chavez approves of a luckier number.” a high ranking stooly told the public.
President Chavez has neither addressed his adoring nation nor the world since the announcement. Many close to the president, including The Fancy’s own Vivi el-Esclavo, Venezuelan national and propaganda contributor, speculate that 2013 may never come in the South American country. According to a release by el-Esclavo, “Senor Presidente Chavez was told by his doctors that he may only live a few more months and will not survive 2013. After they took their own lives by firing squad- out of guilt of having broken such bad news- it was decided that Senor Presidente Chavez will just cancel the New Year, and therefor never have to face the prognosis.” There is no word on the fate of 2014, maybe it will be substituted for this ‘13 like the elevator/skyscraper trick. Like the late great comedian Mitch Hedberg said, “My hotel doesn’t have a 13th floor because of superstition, but come on man, people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you’re really on.”
Millions of currency notes and coins will either be destroyed or restamped. Venezualan 2013 calanders have hit eBay, Craigslist, Art.sy and other collector’s sites, selling for nearly three sheep. What many around the worls had thought would be the final year of existence for the human race, will actually be the longest year ever for Venezuela.