The following is an unapproved, unedited, and as of yet unpublished submission to, The Washington Fancy: you’re leaving the misleading source for politics.
Biden Threatens Executive Order, The Force, Expeliamos, and Air Bending to Confiscate Guns.
PROVIDENCE, R.I. – VP Biden has come out recently in a strong way against gun ownership. He has threatened to use an executive order (typically reserved for the actual president) and if that doesn’t work, “…we’ll use the Jedi Force, or Hogwart’s Expeliamos, or that cancer patient kids’s Air Bending.” The news was astonishing to the administration’s supporters, even more so to supporters of history, government and the constitution.
It was expected that the Admin. would come out hard , not only against gun violence, but also against ownership in general. What wasn’t expected was the broad use of powers, both real and imagined, would be exercised. According to Haley Komit, the V.P’s personal barrista, “He has been practicing his ‘spells’ and wand-wrist technique in his mochachino foam all week. I keep telling him butter beer is a trademark flavor we don’t sell it here.”
Most pundits on Capitol Hill believe that it is a bluff. They believe that the strong talk is simply security theater. “I don’t think the vice president understands the severity of the topic. I mean using The Force is something that you have to learn to do over a lifetime, then there’s the trials. Do we even know his midichlorian count?” Marcus Mcelheney of DC Jedi Incorporated told The Fancy.
Whether the announcement is just strong talk, or if the vice president does in fact intend to Don the sorting hat and find out to which house to he belongs before learning the art of wizardry and forcing everyone’s hand, making them turn in their guns, Is yet to be seen. However many on Capitol Hill report that the subcommittee discussing the possibility of executive privilege, as hung a sign on their door which reads, “No wands, no blasters, no light sabers, and definitely no droids allowed in subcommittee chambers.”