The following is an unedited, unnapproved, and as of press time, unpublished submission to TheWashingtonFancy.com: Your Leading Misleading Source for Politics.
Washington, D.C.– The Obama Administration is reveling in the news that the S&P federal credit rating has not only returned to it’s previous high of Triple A (AAA) but upgraded to Fuckin” A! (F’n A!). This comes on the heels of a threat of lawsuit against Standard and Poor’s, the credit ratings firm which downgraded the US debt credit rating. The lawsuit expressly states that, “…a less than perfect credit rating has caused embarrassment, social anxiety, loss of cable and iPhone connectivity, and increased cold calls from debt-consolidation companies. There may be some culpability for the housing meltdown.”
John Checkworthy, of S&P’s Frivolous Law and Catering Division, announced, “ The release of the new F’n A! credit rating has nothing to do with the potential lawsuit. It has nothing to do with the death threats and the spray painting of the word ‘Forward!’ on my car. It is simply a coincidence that our families relocated to a charming resort on the shores of Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. We returned the Fed to their previous high rating, and created a higher one in direct response to the recent drone activity outside our headquarters…which I’m sure is unrelated.”
According to a press release by the White House, the new rating is being interpreted as “Forward ‘n’ Awesome!” New shirts and stickers and other vitally important political action paraphernalia will be available for purchase directly from Whitehouse.gov/buyintothestory.
In an apparently unrelated story, another credit rating bureau, Doomy’s and Phitch, did not downgrade the nations rating, and has been granted a piece of the moon.