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Obama Admits to Lip Syncing Presidential Oath: Used Prerecorded Swear

The New Normal

Beyonce Obance

The following is an unedited, unapproved, unpublished submission to The Washington Fancy: Your Leading Misleading Source for Politics

Obama Admits to Lip Syncing Presidential Oath: Used Prerecorded Swear
or
Obama, Beyonce take Lip Syncing Tour: Covering Milli Vanilli

By ConHippy

–WASHINGTON D.C. The president has come clean today amidst rumors that his swearing in ceremony was lip synced. In a small press conference, President Obama admitted to mouthing the Oath of the Presidency while the pre recorded version from his last term was played. His detractors claim that this delegitimizes his presidency and demand transcripts, both long and short form. Obama eclipsed Donald Trump’s late announcement to pay ten million dollars for the original MP3, to prove it was fudged.

According to White House intern and Fancy cartoon contributor, Myles Standish, The President went as far as to produce a ventriloquist’s dummy during the last 15 seconds. “We were all very impressed and had just assumed that this was just one more hidden talent he possessed.We just thought it was creepy that the dummy was Joe Biden.” As long as the left hand remained on a book (whether it was the bible or not is another article.) the oath remains legit, regardless of where the right hand was. The crowd noise and applause during the private indoor ceremony had been written off as “general acceptance of the executive popularity at any given time.”

Only after Beyonce’s inauguration-anthem-karaoke was unmasked, did the Pres. feel pressure to come clean. Critics and fans alike hail this as a stand-up thing to do, since the last black duet to deny obvious lip syncing was Milli Vanilli.

 
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Posted by on January 22, 2013 in Too good to be Fancy

 

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VP Biden threatens Executive Order, Jedi mind tricks, and other skills he doesn’t actually possess.

The following is an unapproved, unedited, and as of yet unpublished submission to, The Washington Fancy: you’re leaving the misleading source for politics.
Biden Threatens Executive Order, The Force, Expeliamos, and Air Bending to Confiscate Guns.
by ConHippy

PROVIDENCE, R.I. – VP Biden has come out recently in a strong way against gun ownership. He has threatened to use an executive order (typically reserved for the actual president) and if that doesn’t work, “…we’ll use the Jedi Force, or Hogwart’s Expeliamos, or that cancer patient kids’s Air Bending.” The news was astonishing to the administration’s supporters, even more so to supporters of history, government and the constitution.

It was expected that the Admin. would come out hard , not only against gun violence, but also against ownership in general. What wasn’t expected was the broad use of powers, both real and imagined, would be exercised. According to Haley Komit, the V.P’s personal barrista, “He has been practicing his ‘spells’ and wand-wrist technique in his mochachino foam all week. I keep telling him butter beer is a trademark flavor we don’t sell it here.”

Most pundits on Capitol Hill believe that it is a bluff. They believe that the strong talk is simply security theater. “I don’t think the vice president understands the severity of the topic. I mean using The Force is something that you have to learn to do over a lifetime, then there’s the trials. Do we even know his midichlorian count?” Marcus Mcelheney of DC Jedi Incorporated told The Fancy.

Whether the announcement is just strong talk, or if the vice president does in fact intend to Don the sorting hat and find out to which house to he belongs before learning the art of wizardry and forcing everyone’s hand, making them turn in their guns, Is yet to be seen. However many on Capitol Hill report that the subcommittee discussing the possibility of executive privilege, as hung a sign on their door which reads, “No wands, no blasters, no light sabers, and definitely no droids allowed in subcommittee chambers.”

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