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Monthly Archives: December 2012

Chavez Ill on New Year’s Eve, Cancels 2013 “Until Further Notice.” – Google Drive

Chavez Ill on New Year’s Eve, Cancels 2013 “Until Further Notice.”

by ConHippy

The following is an unedited unapproved submission to The Washington Fancy: Your Leading Misleading Source for Politics

CARACAS, VZ– Venezuelan two-term president, Hugo Chavez has fallen ill to complications of alleged cancer. His illness on the eve of the new year has prompted his administration, at his behest, to cancel 2013, “…until further notice, or until Senor Chavez approves of a luckier number.” a high ranking stooly told the public.

President Chavez has neither addressed his adoring nation nor the world since the announcement. Many close to the president, including The Fancy’s own Vivi el-Esclavo, Venezuelan national and propaganda contributor, speculate that 2013 may never come in the South American country. According to a release by el-Esclavo, “Senor Presidente Chavez was told by his doctors that he may only live a few more months and will not survive 2013. After they took their own lives by firing squad- out of guilt of having broken such bad news- it was decided that Senor Presidente Chavez will just cancel the New Year, and therefor never have to face the prognosis.” There is no word on the fate of 2014, maybe it will be substituted for this ‘13 like the elevator/skyscraper trick. Like the late great comedian Mitch Hedberg said, My hotel doesn’t have a 13th floor because of superstition, but come on man, people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you’re really on.”

 

No 2013 for you!

What, Me Worry?

Millions of currency notes and coins will either be destroyed or restamped. Venezualan 2013 calanders have hit eBay, Craigslist, Art.sy and other collector’s sites, selling for nearly three sheep. What many around the worls had thought would be the final year of existence for the human race, will actually be the longest year ever for Venezuela.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted by on December 31, 2012 in Too good to be Fancy

 

Boehner Offers Fiscal Cliff No Compromise Plan B, Misses Irony.

Boehner Offers Fiscal Cliff No Compromise Plan B, Misses Irony.

by ConHippy

–WASHINGTON DC House speaker Boehner put his foot down-again, and set a firm-ish ultimatum this week, offering the Administration his second uncompromising fiscal cliff agreement. The differences were a few measly million dollars, and a joint book deal. The first agreement had also been uncompromising, however some ‘further agreements’ had to be made. According to Toby Stevens, The Fancy’s new Fiscal Cliff Special Adviser and Headlines Expert, both proposals include strong language, a harsh tone, and an exchange of cigarette cartons between the two smokers, Obama and Boehner.

There is no word as of press time whether the agreement has been signed, but White House staffers have reported hearing the two men squabble on the Oval Office balcony and comparing butt-flick skills and cherry-streak-distance over the weekend. Speaker Boehner has reportedly given the President ‘…to the count of three…’ to agree to the non-compromise, Plan B. Other tactics the Speaker has attempted include telling the President that if he doesn’t sign, Santa won’t come. There is reportedly even an Elf on the Shelf in the Oval Office.

Obama Boehner

Don’t hold the smoke in so long….it’ll make you dizzy.

According to Better Parenting Magazine Speaker Boehner only has to lash out and actually strike the President  uncontrollably and he will have satisfied the entire list of Worst Mistakes an Adult Makes When Arguing. “He’s already, bribed, lied, lost track of the argument, backed down, played bad cop, modeled rule breaking of his own, and allowed too much response time,” offered Sheldon Brightbelt, BPM Ed. in Chief, “A better option is to create a rule, a logical consequence and follow through.” There has been no response from neither the Speaker, nor the Administrations office’s regarding the comments.

Disclosure: Better Parenting Magazine has subsequently undergone an IRS review, had it’s home office, commandeered under eminent domain law, and its web site was shut down under Patriot Act and RICO law violations.

 
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Posted by on December 20, 2012 in Too good to be Fancy

 

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Johnny Come Lately GOP’ers.

It has been entertaining, if not gratifying, to watch all the GOP pundits the last month since the election. Before I start, a disclaimer: I spent my entire voting life in the GOP. I held my nose and voted for the ‘lesser of two evils’  in 4 presidential elections. Each time, I watched the party move further to the left in an attempt to compromise and win votes. I watched them move really far to the side of religious oligarchy mislabeled ‘the religious right.’ While I stayed put, the GOP became neither Grand, nor anything like the Ol’ Party. Running Mitt, the last elections primary loser, as the nominee, finally punched my ticket. I did a Butch Cassidy of the side of that cliff

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So now I hear all the Johnny Come Latelys asking, “What can we do to reach out to..(insert insulting liberal collectivist term)?” Or even better, “Maybe if we get behind (insert single-issue magic bullet here) we will secure the (insert insulting-liberal-collectivist-term here) vote.” Romney was half-right about one thing, that 47% that doesn’t identify with him, wont no matter what. What he hadn’t planned on was the large percentage, some included in that 47, that know the left dislikes America, it’s empire, it’s disregard for Peace, Prosperity, and Individual Human LIberties, and can’t find where he contrasted on the so-called right. There are even tenured conservative pundits insisting that Romney was the man, staying with that lame-horse. 

Grabbing a single-issue, like Medical Marijuana, or Gay Marriage (a non-issue by-the-way), or whatever else, will not change a thing, unless the overall policy is one of…wait for it…Peace, Prosperity and Individual Liberties. If it cant pass that litmus test, it is to Acidic for me, and many others.

Please tell me I’m wrong…although I can point to at least 5 heavy-hitter-twitters who ask the above questions on a daily basis. I din’t provide links because a Google search will find them.

 

 
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Posted by on December 3, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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